Saturday, February 5, 2011

There are some questions that some men......

...not all men....but some, like me, have trouble with. Hubs here again. I promised to post on my condition I suffer from about about Electrical Schizophrenia . More on that to come later. Men, if you're reading this, enjoy. Ladies, the same. And if your man isn't not reading this, get him too and see if he agrees with me or not. Now I do dishes, vacuum, clean toilets, laundry, I introduced Barkeepers Friend (not a paid endorsement, just a favorite cleaning supply) into the marriage, and I changed our child's first diaper. You could say I'm domesticated. But when asked about a Chevron and Houndstooth, Chevron is a gas station. Houndstooth is a dog's tooth.

I'm talking about asking for his opinion on something, specifically a design something. Now don't get me wrong, occasionally I have the strong opinion and it's pretty clear when I do. "Do you like this rug" she asks. If I think it looks like they tarred and feathered an animal and are trying to sell it to me, I will say "Nope I don't", and keep walking. "Why?" she says. "Because it looks like they tarred and feathered something and are trying to sell it to us". So the occasional strong opinion happens. But 87.26% of the time, this isn't the case.

You see while I have great taste in music, sports, art, cultural, food, cars, yes-homes, dogs, travel, photography.....I'm a seasoned and cultural and basically well developed individual....I can scream across a lake in a small catamaran sailboat with one hull out of the water-that takes a great taste of adventure. But there are many things I have basically no taste in whatsoever, 87.26% of the time. Take the following example: Wall Stencils.

I was once asked by my lovely wife which wall stencil I liked best. Can't remember what they looked like so I'm using these as an example. "What about this one" she says. "Looks great" I reply with the 12.74% of feeling I can really really summon with all of my soul. "What about this one?"....."Yup that's great too, they all look great*." *Translation- I cannot get into my manly soul and really really find any fiber of my being that loves one more then the other.

It's like what I call, The Salt Analogy. To me, salt is salt is salt. When I go to a restaurant, I don’t ask, "Well, did the cook use gourmet designer all-natural sea salt hand picked by mermaids from sparkly waters in the Caribbean? Or was it the leftovers from a goat salt lick"
Ladies, if you want the truth, then threaten with money.....after he says "looks great", throw down a zinger like “Ok well then I’m gonna buy this one” (say it like you mean it so he’s thinkin: ok, that train is leaving the station for good unless I blow the whistle NOW), and if there is no response, you’re in the clear. Only ask once, because it's really against our mortal nature to muster even 12.74% of passion for a wall stencil, and he’s seeing a ray of hope that the decision process is over. Further inquiries will only further induce him into his design decision coma. For you ladies, it’s like asking you which golf club to buy your man for a present. Betcha you may not have known that there’s a lob wedge, sand wedge, pitching wedge, and when I was a kid I didn’t have any of those so I used a nine iron. What’s the difference?? Much difference there is indeed, and it can make or break the ensuing level of frustration following the shot. Either he’s throwing the golf club into the lake, or kissing it afterwards. I fall into the first category.

SO the lesson is, if it looks great it looks great and you'll never hear us complain, and we are so grateful that you get it right 87.26% of the time with us.**

And I wanna hear about your experiences about decisions and stuff, so comment away.  Let's start a revolution and get this Mars and Venus stuff figured out!  Electrical Schizophrenia to come soon.


Natalia said...

So... I don't exactly have a man. But I have some misconceptions to clear up.

While I don't know the difference between a Mitsubishi Mirage and a Ford Focus, I do know golf clubs. :) I have my own ladies set and I took classes and I'm proud to say that I've done more than half a dozen rounds in the last year and a half. Hybrids tend to be my favorite, more than woods and irons. Which confuses me sometimes, because the "woods" are not always made out of wood.

Why I know about golf clubs is a different story. There may or may not have been an outside manly influence. I may or may not indulge such information in public. ;)

But I agree with the tar-and-feather rug thing. I prefer not to walk on Bambi everytime I walk into my living room. Just saying.

Heather said...

Ok every time you post I'm going to tell you my favorite line...

"sea salt hand picked by mermaids from sparkly waters in the Caribbean? Or...leftovers from a goat salt lick"

Nicely said.